Misadventures in Babysitting

Well, well, well, let me tell you all, it was a learning experience for me this weekend. I had the fortune of babysitting my cute as hell infant niece, Fiona (Fifi as she is called). It started Friday night, when I picked her up from my brother's house, located about 30 minutes away from mine. After getting the lecture about driving fast, using my turn signals, and staying in the right-hand lane, I proceeded to get her in the car. Everything's cool. Then, my brother tells me this is the first and only time she has been in the car with ANYONE except him or Fiona's mom - my sister-in-law, Julie. Wow! After that, I tried to keep it cool, but it was useless.
Driving the 30-minute, white-knuckle trek to my house, I was nervous. Sweaty-forehead nervous. Nervous-as-hell nervous. Think-your-girlfriend-is-pregnant nervous. If-I-had-a-kilo-of-black-tar-heroin-in-the-back-of-my-trunk, I-don't-think-I-would-have-been-any-more-nervous nervous. I honestly have not been in the car with anyone under the age of 1 in 10 years or more, and never by myself.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have another life in the car I am fully responsible for; more importantly, she is not my child, which adds the pressure.
Then, on the way home, I encounter Christmas mall traffic on the interstate, and you all know how considerate and polite people can be around the holidays. I look back in my rearview mirror and see some jackass in a Hummer about five feet from my bumper! Now normally, I would tap the brakes or throw a few pennies out the window at him, but not with Fifi in there. So, like any normal person, I start mouthing.
"Two car lengths away from me, you b-stard! Do you hear me? Two!" All he sees of course is me giving him the peace sign. Great, he thinks I am a hippie or something, fighting for world peace on the interstate (Don't worry, no cursing was done in the presence of my niece during this situation; I added it in for dramatic effect).
This is not to mention my blatant overuse of the turn signals in my vehicle. Now I am proud to tell you I haven't missed a turn signal in over 15 years, but, this night I tell you all as I live and breathe, I went too far. To avoid any more tailgating experiences I decided to turn the signals on slightly ahead of time...like a minute or so. It even got so bad that once I am pretty sure I used the turn signal on a curve.
By the time I get home, I am a sweaty mess; hardly in any condition to baby sit - overnight. Ugh...home - that is when the fun comes.
Fifi doesn't eat all night; she starts coughing, sneezing, wheezing, and generally feeling awful. After she finally falls asleep (which is several hours after her regular bedtime), she coughs for hours until she awakens at 4 o'clock in the morning. She is wet, hungry as hell, and pissed. Thank God my wife Jenny is wonderful with children. I have two awesome step-daughters, but they are in their early teens, so even for the ol' pro it has been a while.
She finally goes back to sleep at 5am; by 7am she is up again, and this time for good.
We were all dragging ass, tired, cranky, and real pleasures to be around, but by 1pm, when it was time for Fifi to leave, she was a happy, smiling baby without a care in the world.
I know that Jenny and I will do all we can to keep her that way.
Through it all, even for a microscopic glimpse, I understand what parents go through every day. I have a lot of respect for my brother anyway; now, though, I have a whole lot more. Parents - good ones, work tirelessly, every day, just to simply give their children the essentials. It is hard, constant work.
Since Fifi went home yesterday, I have thought about her and her overnight stay about 500 times, and each time I've had a smile on my face from ear to ear.
I think I passed the test.