Hope springs eternal rhinorrhea

No, this drawing isn’t of me, but a close resemblance indeed. Well, another weekend has come and gone, and another weekend filled with a variety of events. I am proud to say I actually peeled myself out of my chair long enough to do a little spring cleaning outside, mainly yard work, which encompassed: pulling weeds, mowing the lawn, pulling more weeds, and planting all the nice, pretty flowers and vegetable plants that my negligence will eventually kill off later in the summer. A couple summers ago, Bruce (my twin brother) and I got together and came up with yet another hare-brained idea: To start our own garden. We planted a variety of melons, corn, beans, and a few other items that I fail to remember. I blame my memory problems on my youth, when once, back in my hometown we had a family that got caught growing pot in the midst of their massive corn fields, and the ATF came and burned all of it. Being the dumb-asses we were, we drove by inhaling non-Clinton style in a vain attempt to reap the benefits. Oh, and there was the time we smoked an entire pack of cigarettes at once. Yes, all twenty of them.

Anyway, Bruce and I started “farming”. It was cool. We had sweet looking International Harvester and Bush Hog hats to ensure our standing in the farming community; we rented out several rows to plant our seeds, and then we got lazy. All of a sudden, we had no less than 10,000 weeds in the mix. There were so many of them we accidentally pulled out stuff we planted. When it was all said and done our wives were correct: we should both stick to golf and fishing. We have had a million ideas and the overwhelming majority of them amount to little, but, all we need in one great idea, one plan that is foolproof and easy enough to combat our adult ADD. When that comes to pass, we will sit back and count our dough!

I really do love this time of year, though. Fresh flowers; nice cool, crisp mornings; longer days; warmer weather; lots of rain; swollen, crusty eyes; continuous sneezing; pulsating, fluid-filled ear tubes. Yes, the joys of spring. I was awoken this morning my by dog who just had to go outside and do his stuff at 4:30am. No sooner than my feet hit the floor did my eyes begin to water profusely, my ears pounded in response to the excess fluid accumulation, and I sneezed a good portion of my parietal lobe out. Even as I sit here in the basement at my place of work I am sniffing and sneezing and my eyes are beginning to swell. They look better now than they did, though; at 4:30am this morning, I looked like a Fight Club victim.

On top of all that, we have a massive beehive somewhere close by which is housing bees the size of small schoolchildren. Note to self: DO NOT USE A MAGAZINE TO TRY TO SWAT HUGE BEES OUT OF THE SKY – IT WILL ONLY PISS THEM OFF.

Thank goodness I only have a couple months left of spring; otherwise, I’d be in serious trouble.