Miss USA...Kentucky style

I know I shouldn't give a crap about who won the Miss USA pageant, and normally I don't..until last night. Of all the girls up there, my fellow Kentuckian, Tara Conner, pulled down the top honor of Miss USA! Normally, I watch about 5 minutes of beauty pageants (usually the 5-minute swimsuit section), so last night I must have been accidentally drugged or monumentally bored, for I watched damn near the entire thing. It was good comedic fodder, though. I laughed out loud several times - mainly at the cheesy house band singing unintelligible songs in what I thought was Spanglish. Last time I checked, it was the Miss USA pageant, right?
Anyway, it was lame as hell, from the Mutt and Jeff hosts (Nancy O'Dell of Access Hollywood and little Drew Lachey, from Dancing with the Stars and very short brother to Nick Lachey) to the uber-gay commentary by some Queer Eye guy, to Donald Trump Jr. as a judge. I am not lying when I say that the Access Hollywood was almost a head taller than that guy. I was embarrassed for the little squirt. And, after looking at Donald Trump Jr., I can honestly say there is one person in the world with a worse hairdo than his old man's. I laughed out loud when I saw him; I could have given myself a better haircut when I was 6.
And back to the Queer Eye fella. I am not a homophobic (or at least I don't think so), but he just gave me the creeps. He is too flamboyant. Gay people probably think he is too flamboyant. He makes that really gay guy on Will and Grace look straight. He told dumb jokes and literally cried after the evening gown session. Cried, I shit you not. The worst part was when he longingly stared into the camera for what seemed like a minute. I felt violated. I felt like a piece of meat. It was a Top 5 creepiest TV moment.
But, in the end, it turned out OK. A ditzy, good-looking, country girl with suspect grammar from Russell Springs, Kentucky, was crowned Miss USA, and Donald Trump Jr. is still really, really ugly.