Oh Brother, Where art thou infirmary?

Tuesday night, I had my second indoor soccer match. Let me remind you, I signed up for a beginner league, all-male, 25 years and older. Our first game was against a team that called themselves a "Bunch of Accountants"; in reality, they were former college soccer players - some at pretty reputable universities. This past game, we played a local high school team where the goalie as a girl and the median age was 15. They ran circles around me, literally. Here is a list of injuries I sustained:
1. multiple shin contusions
2. Twisted ankle
3. Twisted knee
4. Hit in the groin with a soccer ball from 15 feet away

I kid you not, after that last one occurred, I went down like a sack of feed corn. It was so painful, my unborn children felt that blow . To top it all off, some fat guy in the stands (why people come to watch us I have no clue) was supposedly making disparaging remarks about my soccer skills (or lack thereof). C'mon, you fat b-stard! I'll kick your butt in basketball three ways from Thursday! I have no idea what that means, but it proves I am serious!!

I am starting to think mgc is right by saying, "What the hell do you think you are doing playing soccer - especially at your age?" I should have listened to you, buddy.